Shrek 5 is a full 21 months away, but a recently released teaser for the sequel should keep a certain subsection of the internets gears turning for that entire duration. The 30-second clip of Shrek 5, which found the original cast of Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, and Cameron Diaz back in their animated avatars and introduced Zendaya as the voice of Shreks daughter Felicia, was optimized to activate brain worms, from Shreks modern-but-controversial redesign to a handful of nods to the franchises cursed-meme legacy. The world has Shrek fever once again. As a wise man once said, the years start comin and they dont stop comin.

No one actually knows what will happen in Shrek 5, but the DreamWorks animated series conventions, combined with the tropes of modern animation, make it seem pretty obvious. And no one has lovingly annihilated what to expect from the 2026 holiday tentpole better than Jared Gaines and Patrick Gilchrist of The Mean Time podcast. I am in awe of this bit from one of their recent episodes (pointed out in the Garbage Day newsletter), in which they speculate and riff on Shrek and Donkeys next adventure.

Shrek in teenage dad mode? Gaines and Gilchrist can already imagine the uplifting power ballad that will back Felicias inspiring journey of self-discovery. Pop culture references? Inevitable — and Chappell Roans “Pink Pony Club” is the perfect pull. Gaines Donkey impression would probably infuriate Eddie Murphy but should also land him some voice acting work.

No one could make fun of Shrek this hard unless they possessed a true love of Shrek. As Gilchrist says, an actual pink pony reacting to “Pink Pony Club” would totally work on him. So while we can all roll our eyes at whats likely to be the safest, most cookie-cutter version of Shrek 5 imaginable, us cynics can also be honest with ourselves and admit well be there to take it all in on day one because weve never stopped thinking about Shrek either. Inside all of us there are two green ogres.

Shrek 5 hits theaters on Dec. 23, 2026.